Silence the best revenge to Gaslighting

What should i do with what i’ve been through? The tremendous Crazy Making and constant Gaslighting…
-objectively, after deep thinking, i just need to be CALM and be happy that i am over with that phase of my life… Yes.  I’ve been Violated, i’ve been abused..
-i should take Action for these Aggression and Injustice…
-i should take action with inner Calmness, because i owe that to myself
-i should not respond with Anger anymore
-Anger is Mental Unhappiness

It breaks my heart that people like you REALLY exist in this world…

-people who wants others suffer.
-does it make you happy to see me suffer mentally?
-why?
-WHAT HAVE i DONE, for you to TREAT ME this way?
-i know and i am sure that i didn’t do anything AGAINST you…

I am still in pain, emotionally scarred, i can say that though it’s very hard, i am trying to look squarely at the SUFFERINGS you caused me, i can now see that i have wasted too much time and energy..

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Crazy Making and Gaslightinf

To my abusive husband:

abuse in all forms: psychological, physical,financial… Whatelse do you want me to go through? Just because i am starting to wake up from your narcissistic spell?

Gaslighting, do u know that term my dear abusive husband? Of course not!! Because you are too stupid to know What psychologist call what you have been dong to me…

Initially you made everyone including my mother believe that i am losing my sanity… Because of the prescription drugs and prohibited drugs used randomly..
Fact: you were just trying to divert the real issue!! That you want to cover up because anytime from now, the news about the Murdered woman will be all over the news… She went missing for a couple of weeks i dont know, then eventually her body will be recovered and that her husband killed her, the father of the kids just murdered your beloved OTHER Woman!! Very traumatic? Have you totally accepted what happened? Or still grieving but you need to turn the tables on me, so that i’ll be the one in trial now, not you… You dont like that of course thats why you have to Put me in shame and exaggerate things so that everybody Will hate me now and the people around us will not be minding whats happening around local news to your Beloved Other woman….

It was a success to manipulate things and made me look like i am a Crazy woman that needs professional intervention… You want me in a mental health institution… Great!!
This is what i have to say:
“i just hope that you are happy with what you have done-
you created the worst image of me, you got all our children with you, and you do a lot of name callings infront of them, so that they will think that their mother is not well
-thats okay… Everything you did, i will just accept, because theres no other way, you are too good in making me the worst Mother….
Deep down inside us – we know what is real.. And We know what is NOT…

Tampered Reality

We know what is REAL… But where is my reality? You tampered the reality, to make me look like i am the one who has problem… Thats making me lose my sanity actually… Because due to the abuse that i am going through, my anger piled up, it clouded my brain that i am always angry at everyone who questions my sanity of course… I am very helpless… I wanna die… I told you that, i still remember what you said, “you have to accept DEFEIT… “Minsan naiisahan tayo” (sometimes we get played) I did not say this out loud because you will again choke me literally or just make me your punching bag… -who DEFEATED who? Sino ang kalaban? (who is the opponent) -sino nang isa sa akin? naisahan ako nung inutusan mo paglaruan ang CCTV so that when i check, i can see nothing, the one who stays in the closet to mess with the things inside the house and when i complain, you will tell people that i am creating scenarios with my crazy imagination… The person inside the closet? i caught on video, ABSURD!!! You said mahirap mag accuse, well i dont wanna accuse or prove who did this to me, because i know what i’ve been through is REAL… I JUST WANT PEACE i don’t wanna respond with anger anymore… honestly, at first, i wanted revenge… The most violent revenge to those who did and participated in this CRAZY MAKING inside the house… I thought i’d be happy to say “its payback time!!” But been through a lot of thinking, with my Wisdom working, i thought i’ll never find peace if i seek revenge… So i just have to wait till they stop doing this CRAZY MAKING… I will not respont to this illusion that my abuser wants me to absorb… No reaction, Complete Silence, but it is very hard to remain silent while my emotions are screaming… i will not give in to the impulse of ANGER I always remind myself that to EXPRESS ANGER to the People who did me WRONG is like being an EVIL person just like them…

Daily Prompt: Narcissism

via Daily Prompt: Narcissism

A lot has happened since Mid2015 and I could say that it was the worst days of my life. ironically, No matter what goes on in my life, nothing so important occurs.

Looking back june-July2015, my days and weeks seemed to all be merged into one long grey, never ending void. People told me with confidence that I can get through with what ever I am going through because i am tough… slight understatement there to be honest. I knew I was not my usual self those days anymore… I can feel my strength leaving my mind and body… then weakness took over, that it felt so strong it affected my thoughts and my whole being.

Feeling depressed is not nice at all. To feel numb I had particular substance help me because the pain dealing with the chaos they created by their carelessness and selfishness. why am I being bothered now by this person who told me to move on because he has this woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life… very painful… stinging every inch of me… My brain did not want to work. I fought so hard to hold my sense of judgement and reasons together. during those days, it was very hard for me to interact properly with anyone. i was simply going through my day on a day to day basis feeling nothing or should I say don’t know how to feel anymore… as a result, there were days that I couldn’t breathe. The feeling of fatigued didn’t leave me. the kids are around I should be a mother, I should perform well inspite of all these feelings and emotions I am dealing with, I have to be happy, and project that everything was ok and our life is normal it was very exhausting. I wanted to feel better, normal, I wanted to just delete these thoughts so I could go back to the real me. I missed who I used to be because right now, I don’t know anything about myself anymore, I don’t know what I wanted, I don’t know how to react to things, I know nothing anymore… I wanted to end this feeling and state in an instant.

Feeling very miserable, there’s this person telling me that there is no reason for me to feel this way and that I just overanalyze things, and such a drama queen, These words made things worse. It was a vicious cycle. I knew why I was feeling down, but still I failed to fully accept that I should have done long before their chaotic life scattered all over the media and especially on us, I really should have done something about it… somehow it could have been a lot better if I gave up and ended our relationship when we only had 1kid… he always acts and tells me that everything is normal and that feeling sad and lonely is just an exaggerated feelings I have… he always feeds me these words and as a result I can feel it’s draining the hell out of me. Lucky me, I had a very stable emotional support then, the church, would tell me that this is not the essence of marriage anymore and that the scripture that read –> Matthew 19:6 (NKJV) So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

is not applicable anymore to what I am going through. Because the church teAchings also states that because everyone is made in the image of God, then everyone should be treated with proper respect and honor because they reflect God.

My psychiatrist told me that staying in an unhealthy relationship will not be good emotionally and psychologically thus; staying this long is a bad decisions because I ended up emotionally unstable And at the moment couldn’t think properly.

I experienced extreme behavior and extreme emotions, there were times that I am laughing so hard even for little things Other times the tears would stream down my face and my thoughts would turn to the decisions and choices I had recently made and at times my heart would truly feel as though it were breaking. To some this could be Melodramatic. Again, this person will see me again in this state and would make remarks that would say that There should be no reasons for me to be dramatic or depressed. During those times, his words sound so cruel. and I felt tired hearing these words because he was causing me all these feelings, sometimes I would already question my emotion my feelings if are they real, or am I making up as what this person would always tell me bluntly

 

One of the things that has been shown to help people cope with problems/depression is social buffering. This is the ability to talk about the situation/issues with friends and family, to unload. The irony is that when I was feeling low NO ONE cared to listen… or sometimes I just keep my mouth shut because of shame and their words could hurt me. and worst there were people who just shrug off what I had to say, I would understand becauseNo one wants to listen to someone who is unhappy. It pulls everyone else down too. I simply had to log into face book or twitter to see hundreds of positive comments “making it count’ ‘living for the moment’. There were no comments telling me it was ok to feel CRAP that Some days, I felt inferior and I hated myself. On other occasions it would make me feel angry — with myself, with life, with the falseness of the life I am in. I resorted to feel better with drugs all kinds actually: prescription and prohibited, they made me feel better and lessen anything negative and magnify something positive..
oh well… life… lost and swallowed me through leaving me with my body no identity… nothing but just a being without purpose, and don’t know where to end or how to end these nightmare, or is this really my life I am living now? don’t know either…
iF there’s a goal and possibly the essence of me writing this I hope everyone will realize that when someone is DEPRESSED they just need PATIENCE, be there and show or remind that HOPE should never be left out, and of course conversations with Kind chosen words or with a deep sense of empathy or Just a pragmatic friend. 😊 I wish I had one… but we can’t have it all… this life will just soon pass and reach its finale…

i should have known better

Relationships are meant to EMPOWER you. They are meant to:
add value,
depth,
meaning,
comfort,
stimulation
and
HAPPINESS in your life.

Relationships are meant to EMPOWER you. They are meant to:
add value,
depth,
meaning,
comfort,
stimulation
and
HAPPINESS in your life.
CONTROL in relationships are
NOT POSITIVE words and lead to detrimental emotions and actions.

Strangely a lot of couples see jealousy as a positive,
“Oh that’s because he/she loves me so much”, emotion. It’s not!!!
It’s the person saying that they don’t trust you or believe that you can be independent, loyal and decent.
There is NOTHING ROMANTIC about JEALOUSY, so stop romanticising it.
It’s often said a thief thinks everyone is a thief.
So those that don’t trust are either people that shouldn’t be trusted
or
have been hurt by others cheating on them in the past. Such people require healing. The problem lies with them and there’s nothing more ridiculous than glorifying it.

Another commonly misconstrued phrase is, “If you love me you won’t do it”.
It is routinely used by people to emotionally blackmail people and threaten them into “obedience”
and arm twist them to do what makes only one partner feel temporarily happy or secure with complete disregard to the greater benefit to the other partner.

Relationships that stifle you personally and professionally are the relationships which do not respect you, your choices or your larger picture.
Of course, all relationships involve
compromise,
and that’s a healthy word because it means that both partners meet midway to resolve an issue that is causing pain or conflict.

But some situations need understanding, not compromise.
They require partners to rise above their pettiness’s and insecurities and want nothing but the best for the ones they love.
Love and relationships aren’t
PRISONS
and
the here is no place for jailors or wardens. It’s often said,
“live and let live”,
“love is blind”,
“love is selfless”.
But for me,
“love… and be LOVED…”

Loving a person is about wanting their greater good, not your own.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

post

What happened still haunts me…

I should be a MOTHER, I should perform well inspite of all these feelings and emotions I am dealing with.

A lot has happened since then and I could say that it was the worst days of my life. ironically, No matter what goes on in my life, nothing so important occurs.

Looking back during those moments, my days and weeks seemed to all be merged into one long grey, never ending void. People told me with confidence that I can get through with what ever I am going through because i am tough… slight understatement there to be honest. I knew I was not my usual self those days anymore… I can feel my strength leaving my mind and body… then weakness took over, that it felt so strong it affected my thoughts and my whole being.

Feeling depressed is not nice at all. To feel numb I had particular substance help me because the pain dealing with the chaos they created by their carelessness and selfishness. why am I being bothered now by this person?this person is my husband, the father of my kids, he just told me to get a life and move on because he has this woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life…

very painful…

stinging every inch of me…

My brain did not want to work. I fought so hard to hold my sense of judgement and reasons together. during those days, it was very hard for me to interact properly with anyone. i was simply going through my day on a day to day basis feeling nothing or should I say don’t know how to feel anymore… as a result, there were days that I couldn’t breathe. The feeling of fatigued didn’t leave me.

The kids are around I should be a MOTHER, I should perform well inspite of all these feelings and emotions I am dealing with.

I have to be happy, and project that everything was ok and our life is normal… it was very exhausting. I wanted to feel better, normal, I wanted to just delete these thoughts so I could go back to the real me.

I missed who I used to be because right now, I don’t know anything about myself anymore, I don’t know what I wanted, I don’t know how to react to things, I know nothing anymore… I wanted to end this feeling and state in an instant.

Feeling very miserable, there’s this person telling me that there is no reason for me to feel this way and that I just overanalyze things, and such a drama queen, These words made things worse. I knew why I was feeling down, but still I failed to fully accept that I should have done something long before things got worst…

Somehow it could have been a lot better if I gave up and ended our relationship when we only had 1kid… he always acts and tells me that everything is normal and that feeling sad and lonely is just an exaggerated feelings I have… he always feeds me these words and as a result I can feel it’s draining the hell out of me. Lucky me, I had a very stable emotional support then, the church, would tell me that this is not the essence of marriage anymore and that the scripture that read –> Matthew 19:6 (NKJV) So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

This biblical verse is not applicable anymore to what I am going through. Because the church teAchings also states that because everyone is made in the image of God, then everyone should be treated with proper respect and honor because they reflect God.

My friend who is a doctor tells me that staying in an unhealthy relationship will not be good emotionally and psychologically thus; staying this long is a bad decisions because I ended up emotionally unstable And at the moment couldn’t think properly.

I experienced extreme behavior and extreme emotions, there were times that I am laughing so hard even for little things Other times the tears would stream down my face and my thoughts would turn to the decisions and choices I had recently made and at times my heart would truly feel as though it were breaking.

To some this could be Melodramatic. Again, when my husbAbbuser will see me again in this state and he would make remarks that would say that There should be no reasons for me to be dramatic or depressed. During those times, his words sound so cruel. and I felt tired hearing these words because he was causing me all these feelings, sometimes I would already question my emotion, my feelings, if are they real, or am I making up as what this person would always tell me bluntly

One of the things that has been shown to help people cope with problems/depression is social buffering. This is the ability to talk about the situation/issues with friends and family, to unload.

The irony is that when I was feeling low NO ONE cared to listen… or sometimes I just keep my mouth shut because of:

•shame and their words could hurt me.

And worst there were people who just shrug off on what I had to say, I would understand because:

•no one wants to listen to someone who is unhappy.

I understand that It pulls everyone else down too. Million thanks to social media, because

•when I felt inferior and I simply had to log into face book or twitter to see positive comments “making it count’ ‘living for the moment’. I just have to tell myself it was ok to feel CRAP. On other occasions it would make me feel angry — with myself, with life, with the falseness of the life I am in. I resorted to a lot of things just to feel better… and lessen anything negative and magnify something positive..

oh well… life… lost and swallowed me through leaving me with my body no identity… nothing but just a being without purpose, and don’t know where to end or how to end these nightmare, or is this really my life I am living now? don’t know either…
iF there’s a goal and possibly the essence of me writing this I hope everyone will realize that when someone is DEPRESSED they just need PATIENCE, be there and show or remind that HOPE should never be left out, and of course conversations with Kind chosen words or with a deep sense of empathy or Just a pragmatic friend. 😊

I wish I had one… but we can’t have it all…

I just hope that this will just soon pass and reach its finale…